Where have I been?!

Hey guys!

                         I haven't posted in such a long time, I am hoping to get back into the swing of things again!

                         So much has happened. I had my baby girl, she will be 2 on September 4th. Zander is turning 4 on Saturday! Oh, and I'm a single mom now!


                        On June 8th, 2015, My kids dad and I got into a heated argument while he was tattooing some kid on our porch. Well I told him I was done with him and that he needed to hurry up because it was almost time for me to go to work. I went to work and was loading up a uboat and just had this gut feeling to look on his facebook. He was messaging this girl who was "just a friend," telling her I was at work and for her to come over. I clocked out of work and called him freaking out and ran to my house. I never saw a girl fly off a porch so fast when she heard me screaming from down the road. Well we fought, I kicked him out and my parents came a few hours later and we packed everything of mine and the kids.I was out of the house by the next day so that he could stay there.

                      It has almost been a year and I am still living with my mom and working a part time job. The best thing about where i worked when this all happened is that they let me transfer to a store close to my mom. Needless to say, my life got flipped upside down and I am just now finding piece with it and trying to bust my ass back to happiness and getting where i want to be.

Glucose testing?!

          I went for my 1hr glucose test last Thursday. I failed with a 191!!! You are suppose to be under 135.

For a little background they poked me twice to get that vial of blood.

         Flip to today, I am taking my 3 hour test and here is a little bit of a rundown.

9:35am - poked 2 times (1 in each arm) to get 1 vial of blood

9:45am - finish that nast drink of 100mg (double from the 1 hour)

10:15am - poked 3 times (once in the left twice in the right) to get 1 vial of blood

11:20am - 5 minutes late *tisk tisk* had a guy nurse try and he used 2 tourniquets and only had to poke me once for one vial of blood! :)

12:15pm - poked twice (once in each arm) first time all day that my left has been a winner! Lol. For 1 vial of blood.

1:15pm - poked once for a vial of blood thank goodness!

Ontop of being poked and proded, I felt so sick the whole time. It took everything in my power NOT to throw up. :(

           I had the worst experiance ever and hope to never do that again. :(. Also why do they call it a three hour test when it is really a four hour test?

           If you took it, what was your experiance like?

Declutter Challenge: Operation Kids Toys

Hey everyone!

I am not good at keeping clutter away from my house but with everything going on I really need to declutter my house and life! If you are up for the challenge join me! :).

My mission the past two days was to declutter and purge the kid's toys and organize with what I have until i can buy something more efficient.

This is a before picture

And after two days of going threw them putting Zoe's (My step-daughter) toys away for the moment, purging a large trash bag full of useless mcdonald toys and broken toys, organizing with the things i have, and a lot of sweat (my house hit 82 degrees today!).

This is what I got.

I am very proud of myself and hope to be able to organize them a little bit better when i can figure out what to buy to help declutter a little more. :). Suggestions are welcome. If you know what I can do for stuffed animals please let me know!!

So, are you up for the challenge? :)

Life update since I have fallen off the blog for a while!

First and foremost i would like to apologize for not blogging a few months!

We moved from Arizona to Pennsylvania,

our own place now, Zander turned 2 and are currently 19w4d pregnant with baby number 2!

We are pregnant with a little girl everything is looking very good with her. :)

I am so excited and expect monthly updates on her! 

What Not To Say To Parents of Preemies.

                            As a mother to a preemie, he was born at 36w and measured 34w, there are several things that I cannot stand that people say to me because my son is a preemie. I was talking to a group of mothers who have preemies as well and we have come up with a list of things that we CANNOT stand when people say them to us and some reasoning behind them.

1. "Do you ever feed that child? He/she is so skinny!" Every child has to eat, just because they are a preemie doesn't mean they starve! even if they have a tube or mickey button they are still getting their nutrients that are needed!
2. "He/she isn't a preemie because they are a toddler." Yes, No matter how old the child is if they were premature they are considered a preemie!
3. "What did you do to make them come early?" Seriously?! Half the time a child is born early it is not the mothers fault. I had pre-eclampsia that the dumbass doctor didn't catch in time and if he wound't have come out when he did it could had ended bad for one or both of us!
4. "You can't just keep him/her at home you have to build up his/her immune system!" or "Being around germs boosts their immune system."
5. "They'll catch up." Depending on other health issues they may not. Even tho they are words with good intended, they are not supportive.
6. "Oh he/she finally looks like a normal baby." or "Oh, I can't wait until he/she finally looks like a normal baby." This is not okay to say to anyone!
7. "Atleast you didn't gain a lot of weight" or "Atleast you didn't get stretch marks." Honestly, I gained 40+ pounds but had no stretch marks. Some people who go term dont even gain lost or get stretch marks!
8. "When is he/she coming home?" Sometimes this is unknown, it is rude to ask!
9. "You are lucky you didn't go a full 9 months." A child needs to stay in the womb as long as possible that is why if your baby doesnt come on their own they induce you around 40-41 weeks.
10. "He/she doesn't need that tube in his/her belly he/she is just fine." or "Why can't you force them to eat/drink? they don't need that tube!" Because you know more than the doctors right? And they may also not take a bottle or breast hence why they need the tube! Also have you ever tried to force your child to eat/drink?
11. "You don't need to take him/her to the doctor for every little thing."
12. "You're just being overly cautious."
13. "Atleast you will have a small baby for a long time."
14. "I'm not sick" as you are coughing and sneezing. 
15. "I'm sick of being pregnant, this big, ect, I wish my baby came early too."
16. "Atleast you get to sleep at night!" This being said to those who's child is in the hospital. 
17. "How old is he/she? oh you are lying!" Seriously I am pretty sure I know when I brought my child into this world!
18. "What's wrong with your baby?"
19. "Oh, I totally know what you are going through." No you don't, unless you have a preemie STFU!
20. "Why does he/she have that tube in their nose?" or "Why does he/she need to be on oxygen and/or monitors?"
21. "Why do we have to sanitize our hands first?"
22. "Why are you pumping so much, go out and have some fun!" Breast milk is actually the best thing for a preemie you should be encouraging the mother!
23. "He's so big, there is no way he was a preemie!"
24. "So do you think you will hold on to this one a bit longer?"
25. If another pregnant person is talking about wanting to have there child at 37-40w and you say "Oh you wouldn't understand, you don't stay pregnant long enough!"
26. Comparing them to "normal" babies. We don't like being reminded that our child is behind.
27. "It would probably best if you don't have any more kids." There are some people who can't!
28. "Is he/she going to be retarded?"
29. "He/she is 1 why isn't he/she walking?" Not all children walk by 1, sorry to break it to ya!
30. "It was gods will that he not be there with you. That's why he came early."
31. "At least you didn't have to push a big baby out!" 
32. "Why don't you let anyone hold him/her?"
33. "A 37 weeker is a preemie." No, ask any OB/GYN.
34. "You feel sorry for yourself? Just think how your baby feels lying in the hospital all the time!" You think I don't fucking think about my child?!?!
35. "He/she is well now. It's all over." No it has just began, thank you.
36. "I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to handle it." Because they are my child and if you had no other choice you would do it too!
37. "Soooo how long are they going to live?" This is not appropriate to say to anyone at any age!

I will be adding more as they come in.<3

Thanks for reading please check back in about a week or less! (: <3

Only the good die young...

3 of my fellow classmates have passed away in the last 2-3 years.

Two being friends of mine.

On April 9th, 2011 my friend Mary passed away. She was very artistic and full of life! You knew when Mary was around and she gave nicknames to everyone! She had named me Sandia/Watermelon and she was my Rawlf. She got me through a break up and always was my pick-me-up when I was down. Was my cover when I needed one and my shoulder to cry on. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her. She impacted so many lives without even trying. Rest easy bbygirl<3

<-This is Mary and I<3

<-My tattoo of her hand writing<3

June 24, 2013 my friend Sean Bobbie passed away. He made you feel like you were his best friend.He was so positive, handsome, and always smiled. He helped me through so much and had your back no matter what. It was always funny because my mom never liked me being at his house, but he was such a sweetheart. Wish my mama would have met him...  I hope to get through this someday.... Rest easy blue eyed angel<3

<- This is Sean.<3

 Rest easy my angels.<3
Forever in our hearts and dearly missed.<3

What is PCOS?

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is a condition where a woman have an imbalance of female sex hormones. That can lead to period changes, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health issues. It effects 1 in every 15 woman. My mother and I both have it I am not sure who else in the family has it though. There is strong evidence that it could be a genetic disease.

Symptoms it can cause dark thick hair growing in weird spots (I have some on my stomach...), acne, weight gain/trouble losing weight, very irregular periods (I have went 6 months without one and then I get my period in full effect for 2 or more weeks...), Fertility problems that can cause infertility, depression, thinning of hair on your head, and decreased breast size. Some health issues that may contribute to PCOS is diabetes, high bp, high cholesterol, and obesity.

I am not sure how you can get diagnosed with it but I didn't have my period from June 2012 until January 2013 had a lot of pain and every pregnancy test came out negative. I went into the ER and they just said they couldn't do anything for me and sent me to my normal doctor. I was then sent to an ultrasound technician who checked all of my organs. She found a lot of cystic fibers on my ovaries and noticed my uterus was growing wherever it wanted (endometriosis).

Things that can help your PCOS (that I am currently trying to do):

• Lose 5% of your body weight.
• birth control pills
• Metformin prescribed by a doctor
• follow a healthy or clean diet
• Exercising everyday. Moderate or vigorous. I do Blogilates. Casey Ho is an amazing instructor and the things she does really are not hard. (:
• If you smoke, try quitting. (I refuse...)

I hope this has helped you understand what I have. (:
Thanks for reading.<3